and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
