i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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