Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
