I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
