This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
