I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize