3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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