ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
