It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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