Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
