'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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