Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
