He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
