I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
only you would photoshop your dick
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
