Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
