I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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