i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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