nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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