My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
