I wish my penis had an off switch
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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