4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
