Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
