you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
