and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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