Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
