Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
