you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
