Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
