If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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