I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
