i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
