I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you inspire me to be a worse person
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
