Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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