Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
