my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
