Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm both gender and math confused
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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