You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
