I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
