I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
