you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
