I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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