Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
