I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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