Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
