I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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