Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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