thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
