I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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