Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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