This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize