farters have to be the big spoon...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
