porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
