I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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