i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
