Who wears a wallet chain?!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
