he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
