Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
