woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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