She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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