I wish I could punch you in the face.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize