She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
