I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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