There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
