I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
