Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
