so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
