The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize