apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
