No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am available for nakedness
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
