I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
