i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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