i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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