Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
