I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
