So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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