she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
