What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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