It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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