If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
