could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
